Forget Paris exemplifies the typical
workings of relationships. One of very few films that actually shows what
happens after the “happily ever after” stage of a relationship. Which isn’t
unsurprisingly, not necessarily happy. We have Mickey, the most wanted NBA
referee and Ellen an independent woman with career. Despite their odd chance
encounter, romantic courting, and against all odd to get together; they have
their failings as a couple. Such as miscommunications and selfishness.
This film challenges the ideas of a
happily-ever-afters. Bringing to fore, there is none. It does just highlight
the challenger in a marriage but also the efforts to work on it. A rarity among
popular Hollywood films.
One of the main elements in a
relationship is communication. What can be seen from both Mickey and Ellen,
they often give in to their desires first then talk later. More often than not,
always too late. They never seemed to express what is important to them or
their own struggles. Preferred to keep it in and then making their own
decisions. They tended to end up arguing rather than actually communicating.
Dr John Gottman stipulates that he
can predict the success of a marriage with 94% accuracy via brief interview
sessions with the couple. Couple who argue constructively tend to have happier marriages.
On the other hand, couples who employ these styles criticism, defensiveness, contempt
and stonewalling will soon find themselves on a downward spiral of a dysfunctional
relationship. A brief description of these styles can be related to every time
Mickey and Ellen argued. The first, criticism is where one party tends to blame
the other for anything that has occurred. We can see in the film that both
Ellen and Mickey tried to blame each other for their unhappiness. Eventually coming
to their own conclusions and making their own decisions whereas it should be a
mutual one. Defensiveness is a natural reaction when being confronted with
their own weaknesses being brought to light. A common response often being
found when faced with criticisms. Which we can see when Mickey and Ellen
throwing back each other’s criticisms. Contempt which probably the worst of the
4 styles. Often comes in the form of sarcasm, cynicism, eye-rolling, sneering,
mockery and so on. (Gottman,1994) We see this as the relationship between
Mickey and Ellen deteriorates. Stonewalling may not be explicitly shown in the
film between Mickey and Ellen. There is rarely an instance when they stop being
responsive to one another. Perhaps the best example is when both decided to
take a hiatus from each other.
While communication as partners is
important. Having friends in the marriage is just as important. As we can see
from Mickey’s three to four best friends. Which interestingly depicts as couple
with just as much oddities or flaws. Some with multiple failed marriages, odd habits,
and even anti-marriage. This provides an interesting contrast from Mickey and
Ellen’s own marriage. Despite all this, these very couples and friends had help
support their marriage and dispense advice. Although sometimes they can be the
wrongs kind of advice. More importantly however, a good marriage can encompass
good friends who are willing to listen to and support your marriage.
References
Gottman,
J.(1994) Why marriages fail. Psyuchoteraphy Neworker, 18(3), 40-40, Retrieved
from www.search.proquest.com/docview/233304799?accountid=14649
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